Random Stupid Stuff

I am so sorry to have re-entered the knitting world, but there is so much “material” there to go on!

OK, I almost take back what I said the other day about the average figure and age of knitters. Rhode Island’s Rachel is kinda peppy and cute.

And she seems pretty smart and witty: “Internet Explorer… is a piece of junk that will make this site (and many others) look assy… Download Firefox, a superior browser.” Back off, guys — she’s already married.

However, she’s knitted what appears to be two sleeves of a giant unfinished sweater. As a gift. For her sister’s birthday. In her defense, Rachel realizes that it’s not really “a wear-in-public garment” and that “it’s the least awesome color in the world.”

Way to go, Rachel! Acceptance is the first step to salvation.

Any guesses as to what this ad is trying to promote?

At first I thought it was for clothing. Nice autumn colors. Worked pretty well with the basketball and fall leaves on the asphalt.

Then I noticed the cell phone in her hand. Was she about to call 9-1-1 because of the breakdancing white guy in the background? In that case, perhaps it was an ad for cell phones. Or for medical insurance.

Nope. See the tiny dark circular blob on the pristinely white sweater that’s carelessly thrown on the dirty ground? It’s a Bluetooth speaker.

Yeah. Once again, nice going, Mr. Art Director.

According to the close-enough Babelfish translation from Japanese to English, Sony performs drip tests on its Vaio laptops, indicating that “drip-proof test & quality test are done in the origin of environment of specification on the basis of the standard of our company. Quality test of this product is not something which non damage non breakdown preservation is proven. In addition, it is not something which the data of PC preservation is proven. When the water is dropped, please be sure to put out to inspection.”

Apparently, up to 200 milliliters of water can be channeled through the keyboard and out the base, as indicated by the small stream of “pee” leaking out the bottom of the laptop between the two supports. According to a rather pointless study by Japan’s Koshien University, that’s the equivalent of five grown Japanese men and one woman spitting out mouthfuls of water onto your laptop.

That’s not going to be much help when your laptop battery explodes.

I doubt the image will show up in an English version of the guide, as the American public will see the photograph not as a demonstration of safety, but as a mandate of something to do on a drunken Friday night — resulting in a frivolous lawsuit against the laptop maker when their house burns down.

OK, this almost counts in my attempt at moving away from poking fun at knitting patterns. Heading a bit toward the technology world.

Some poor kid is going to be very disappointed while opening his presents on Christmas morning. Let’s just hope he’s not a Columbine student…

OK, in reality, this actually borders on the edge of being somewhere between totally, awesomely cool and “boiling a rabbit on the stove” obsessed, but it would make a great practical joke.

Betchya there are still Apple fanatics out there on eBay that would pay $400 for it, even though the iPhone fervor has died down somewhat.

“This fun collar is great paired with a camisole top on a spring evening.”

OK, I swear I’m going to move away from knitting patterns real soon, but I just couldn’t resist this one.

The look on her face is absolutely fûçkìng priceless.

“Would ya take the dámn picture already?! Look, I told you I’d sleep with your boss so you could get that raise, but can’t I just pretend to be an Amish girl, or wear a Little Bo Peep costume, or dress up like Monica Lewinsky? Please! Do you have to make me wear this stupid thing?!”

Umm, I’m not really sure where that came from…