Random Stupid Stuff

These folks didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their domains names might look to others:

• AltersCrap.com
• AuctionShit.com
• BiGalsOnline.com
• BillGotHard.com
• Budget.Co.ck
• CumStore.co.uk
• DieselShitMen.com
• DollarSexChange.com
• ExpertSexChange.com (archived)
• GraphicArtSexChange.com
• HomeSexChange.org
• KidSexChange.com
• MammothErection.com
• mofo.com (global legal services, which kinda fits)
• MolestationNursery.com (archived)
• OddSexTractor.com (archived)
• PënìšLánd.net (the one fake website on this list)
• PowerGenitalia.com (archived)
• ScatIssue.com
• SpeedoFart.com
• TheRapistFinder.com
• TheRapists.com (archived)
• Travel.Co.ck
• ViagraFix.com (archived)
• WhørëPrëšëntš.com

I have to admit that I know absolutely nothing about knitting. Well, I know enough nothing as much as any other somewhat normal guy (who once somewhat abnormally knitted his own 24-foot multi-colored Tom Baker scarf when he was a kid) knows nothing. Whatever.

Still, I know something that’s ugly when I see it. I keep hearing Mitch Ryder & The Detroit Wheels’ 1996 hit running through my mind on this pattern offering from Berroco.

Devil with the blue horns, blue horns, blue horns,
Devil with the blue horns on.

Isn’t that how it goes?

Stumbled across Better Homes & Gardens’ Hip Knits patterns recently and found this lovely girl — engaged in criminal activity.

It is clearly not cold enough to warrant wearing a holey knit sweater as evidenced by the somewhat-bare midriff (without an ounce of excess body fat anywhere near those jeans, I’d like to point out!) and lack of additional warming layers. Therefore, covering up that potentially tremendous rack is a true crime of nature; she was born to show more skin!

Despite that easy-on-the-eyes distraction, the sweater itself is not quite as easy on the eyes. That red/blue combination really hurts.

Killer socks? Socks to die for?

No. Socks that make Australia’s Melanie grab the closest kitchen knife to stab herself in the foot once she wears one of the socks on her hand. She quips, “I have been killed by these lovely wool/alpaca socks.”

Oh, I don’t know; other than the green being a bit horrid, they’re not that bad, assuming that the apparent color mismatch is caused by the camera’s flash.

Although it is interesting to discover that ten minutes later on the same Friday the 13th, a 25-year-old South Carolinian (who enjoys “drooling on spinning wheels“) also claimed to have been killed by the same socks.

Is it a coincidence that both were made from alpaca? Maybe the alpaca is finally taking its revenge for that footsie pillow…

(I know I’ve said that I’m going to shy away from knitting, and I do sometimes, but there is just so much stuff out there to pick on!)

Learned a valuable lesson this weekend by discovering that alpaca rugs should not be washed in the washing machine, but at least I stumbled upon this “gem” in the meantime.

Forget the fact that Berroco’s footsie pillow knitting pattern is heavily on the ugly side. But why do they suggest using alpaca yarn, of all things? I guess they, too, figure the only way they’re going to get revenue from releasing this free pattern is to suggest expensive materials.

Not to mention that it would be a safety hazard in an emergency. I can hear the 911 call now from some ancient tottering grandmother out there: “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!!” “Stay calm, Ma’am. Are you by any chance wearing a footsie pillow? If so, please remove your feet before attempting to stand up.”