Random Stupid Stuff

The creators of this PDF-format knitting pattern get quite upset when they hear that that “sewing is a dying art” and that “needlework is a thing of the past”.

For the sake of this blog, I hope the handmade arts thrive!

I love the Ugly Betty thing that the model’s got going for her. If it weren’t for those god-awful yellow glasses and the semi-invisible braces (not to mention that she’s wearing a giant fuzzy turkey on her head!), I think she’d be quite a hottie. Sort of the poised Vegas showgirl “I’ll wear anything on my head” kind of hottie, but a hottie nonetheless.

I wish I’d found this during last month’s Turkey Day weekend!

The creator of this knitted products describes the Man Mitt as:

“a hand knitted seamless male undergarment accessory created for comfort and warmth. The crocheted tie makes this piece adjustable for a comfortable fit. And of course if you’re looking for something different for her it also makes a handy dandy little coin purse with side cell phone pocket.”

This is not “one size fits all”. If the pictured Man Mitt actually fits her husband, I’m not surprised that she’s spending her evenings trying to come up with ways of covering up his Lilliputian manhood.

Either that or his balls are the size of oranges, another valid reason to dream up ways to never see them again. But based on the “little coin purse” quote, I doubt it.

[Editor's note: Doesn't do me much good to write these things every couple of days if I forgot to push the fûçkìng "Publish" button that WordPress so conveniently presents at the bottom of every editing page. Thus, the slew of postings that sometimes show up two weeks late.]

Just when I thought the 1970’s had hit the bottom with fads like pet rocks, 8-track tapes, and disco! These inflatable Wonder Sauna Hot Pants were “one size fits all”, designed for men and women, and would “slenderize exactly where you want”, simultaneously reducing waist, tummy, hips, and thighs.

Based on his expression, I’m not sure the guy feels very comfortable in this thing. He’s probably wondering if everything the hot pants touches will be slenderized and reduced…

On the upside, all you need is one of those red flower-pot Devo hats, and you’ve got the start to an interesting costume. Or a small trashcan lid, and you’re transformed into Oscar the Grouch!

Spied this photo on a forum recently. Unfortunately, it had absolutely no description as to what the hëll it’s for. And I certainly don’t have a clue.

My guesses:

• Decorative cover for the end of banisters. (But then why doesn’t the other stair rail ball thingy have one, too?)
• Poncho for an over-sized gay Ken doll.
• Crotchless leg-warmers. For men.
• Wine bottle cover to hide the label of the cheap swill you bought.
• A fugly scarf with an inexplicable hole.

Do you have any better ideas?

Wenger, the maker of genuine Swiss Army knives, recently unveiled a special edition knife. This giant folding knife set features seven blades, three pliers, several screwdrivers, saws, wrenches, and the rest of all 85 tools available on Wenger’s knives.

“This is not exactly going to win any awards for lightest, smallest, or most efficient tools with which to going [sic] backpacking.” — Dennis Piretra, Director of Marketing for Wenger NA

Fortunately, Wenger makes knives of much higher quality than their marketing quotes.

Each of these 9-inch-wide, almost 3-pound knives must be ordered directly through Wenger, costs $1,200, and features a lifetime warranty. You might as well place your order now, because you never know when you’re going to need a cigar cutter, a golf divot repair tool, a fine metal file, and a 300-foot laser pointer at the same time. At least they left room for the requisite tweezers and plastic toothpick.